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Learn How to Sleep in a Toilet Stall Like a Pro

Master Blaster Apr 26, 2012
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With the warmer weather coming we are bound to have those days where a particularly heavy lunch or wild night before turns us into zombies by 1:45pm. The question is what do you do?

Many of us plug through the rest of the afternoon for fear that dozing at our desks would land us out of a job. Some among us have pondered the idea of catching some sleep atop the toilet; the only place you’re guaranteed some privacy in an office environment. However, many are turned off by fears or stigmas that might be associated with sleeping in the crapper.

Then there are a select few – 30% according to a recent survey of middle-aged businessmen – who have the guts to go that extra mile and take a nap sitting on the can so that they can return to work refreshed. RocketNews24 would like to now share some of their various tactics, so that you too can embark on the noble art of “toilet napping.”

■　The King Tuts

These are considered your standard, no-nonsense toilet nappers, most likely to be fist timers of the art. Simply lower the cover (hopefully the toilet in your office has one) and take your place atop thy royal throne, your highness.

This allows you to keep your pants up since they don’t have to touch the seat, which in turn lets you sprawl your legs in any kingly fashion you desire.

Be warned though: many of the toilet lids used in public restrooms don’t look stable enough to support the weight of an adult male. Be sure to position your center of gravity near an edge of the lid, or risk having to explain why you have wet pants and a broken toilet lid stuck around your butt.

■　The Hot Cross Buns

In Japan a toilet with a heated seat is a fairly common occurrence. As such, some toilet nappers have become addicted to toasting their tuchus as they drift off to dreamland. Although the pants are usually down for this maneuver, which restricts leg movement, the warm sensation more than makes up for the minor inconvenience.

It’s also a challenging technique in these energy conscious times. It’s hard to overcome pangs of guilt from running the heater for so long just so you can have a warm butt. It makes you wonder how a Hot Cross Buns can sleep at night, let alone at 2:45 in the afternoon.

■ Avec L’Accoutrements

This class of toilet nappers believes that just because you’re sleeping in a toilet stall, doesn’t mean you have to feel like you are. Generally the realm of more seasoned commode catnappers, these people bring in their own objects to improve the ambiance of their tiled sleeping quarters. This is the preferred style for Tokyoites who like to do everything a little classier.

“I wear earplugs.” confessed one 29 year-old. That’s understandable since many public men’s rooms are capable of producing sounds that would give Dario Argento nightmares.

Another 28 year-old “worker” from Tokyo says, “I bring some air freshener with me in case there are any bad smells.”

■ The MacGyver

The MacGyvers are the Navy Seals of toilet nappers. Using only what is readily available in the stall they can jury rig an optimal napping environment. When they’re finished operation sandman they exit without leaving a trace of their deed.

“Using a few rolls of toilet papers I create a frame to support my head on top of the water tank. With my head locked into position inside the TP tower, I don’t have to worry about falling over while sleeping upright.” recounts one 32year-old MacGyver as he recalls an especially daring nap he took in a toilet stall on the 42nd floor of a high rise office complex.

So there you have your first foray into toilet napping, this age old practice does go deeper but any more may blow your mind. We would like to remind you to always nap responsibly. Make sure there are no objects to hit your head on and cause injury. Also limit your naps to 10-25 minutes to avoid disrupting your circadian rhythm which could lead to health problems later on. Happy Napping!

▼Here Mr. Sato Demonstrates a King Tut. He does well to lock his arms together to support his weight and keeps his center of gravity towards the front edge. But still his balance could easily go awry. I’ll give it a 6.5/10.

▼And this King Tut has a MacGyver Variation with the toilet paper headrest allowing his legs and arms to roam freely. Note the extra roll of TP so that his head is at the optimal angle. 9.5/10

▼Now this just won’t do. Sure this allows his body to be locked in position but even with the lid down his face is much to close to the toilet seat. 1.5/10

▼“Pee Pot Perching” as Mr. Sato demonstrates here, should not be attempted by first timers. It requires strong control of your butt muscles, but if done properly can give you optimal cleanliness. 9/10

▼This is how most start off Pee Pot Perching. It’s the meat and potatoes of the semi-pro toilet napper. 7/10

▼Some of you might just go the safe route and avoid the toilet all together. But the floor of a mens’ room toilet stall is the last place you want to sit down. 1/10

▼The “Cirque De Toilet” toilet nappers tend to go for style over substance, but it’s a sheer pleasure to catch one in inaction. Bravo! 10/10

▼MacGyvers may choose to go face first into the toilet paper if it’s scented. It makes them feel like they’re sleeping in a meadow. 8.5/10

Source: R25 (Japanese)
Photo: RocketNews24