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Things only introverts will understand: Japan edition

Preston Phro Sep 22, 2013
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Are you terrified of large crowds? Does the thought of a night out clubbing fill you with dread? Have you withdrawn into a dark room, filled only with the blue light of your computer screen, desperate to avoid the horror of having to talk to a store clerk. Well, you’re not the only one, even though it might feel like it. In fact, if the number of hikikomori (socially withdrawn people who’ve isolated themselves from the outside world) is any indication, Japan is packed with shy, introverted people!

Thankfully, the Internet has allowed the shy and introverted to come together and share their experiences. Check out these comments from the Japanese website Aru Aru Matsuri and see how many you can sympathize with.

Aru Aru Matsuri takes its name from the Japanese phrase “aru aru,” meaning “that happens” or just “oh, yeah, definitely,” and the word for “festival.” The site allows people to anonymously share their common experiences, which makes it the perfect platform for shy people to commiserate and gives us a glimpse into their quiet lives.

To begin with, we have this comment, showing the potentially endless frustration a socially awkward person can find themselves in.

Get nervous when someone talks to you. → Don’t really hear the conversation → Give an absurd response. → Other person is shocked. → Become more terrified of conversations. → The infinite loop continues!

This next one is something that many smarthphone users–introverted or not–can understand.

When I get a phone call in lieu of a text message, I freak out!

Of course, for the socially awkward, random encounters on the street can be downright terrifying.

When an acquaintance I’ve only rarely chatted with comes into view, I lock my eyes on my phone screen before being noticed and just wait for him or her to pass.

▼ “Oh look, people. Maybe I’ll just…stay inside today.”

Naturally, shy and awkward people are very sensitive to changes in group dynamics.

That awkward moment when you suddenly find yourself left alone with someone you’re not too close with after everyone else leaves.

Sometimes it can seem like introverted people have a magical force field.

Apparently, I have an aura that says, “Don’t talk to me and don’t come near me!”

For a shy guy or girl, everything can change in a moment.

When I first meet someone, we can get along really well. But after that the conversation just stops.

Probably one of the scariest things for introverted Japanese workers is the nomikai, or drinking party.

Even when I’m invited to a nomikai, if there aren’t a lot of people, I can’t hide myself in the crowd. It’s so scary that I just can’t go.

Another person added, in reference to nomikai, the following aru aru comment.

At huge drinking parties, I can never leave my seat.

Maybe things would go a bit more smoothly for our awkward friends if we gave them a warning before starting a conversation…

When people start talking to me out of nowhere, no matter how hard I try to participate in the conversation, my mouth just dries up and I can’t talk.

▼ The safest table at the party: The Forever Alone table.

Amusement parks certainly do appeal to introverts as well, but it’s hardly a relaxing weekend destination.

I want to got to the amusement park…but waiting in lines is panic-inducing.

We all have people we’d prefer to avoid, but for introverts, that includes nearly everyone.

When I’m out and I spot someone I know, I pretend like I didn’t notice them.

Public speaking is a skill we all have to learn, but for the socially awkward, the skill is doubly hard to master.

If I don’t start by saying “Ah,” I just can’t get my words to come out.

Sometimes introverted Japanese people do make an effort to be more outgoing. But it rarely goes well for them.

Whenever I spot an acquaintance during my private time and they don’t see me, I’m always conflicted about calling out to them. And when I do, I inevitably have nothing to talk about and it just become so awkward.

This one seems to be only for the gentlemen, though maybe ladies can understand it, too.

When I’m standing at the urinal and someone I know steps into place next to me, I can never go!

One of the conveniences of modern life is being able to communicate via email–but for an introvert, even that convenience can be complicated.

While writing an email may take a long time, deciding whether or not to write it takes even longer.

For the average person, getting into groups with a partner at school is the highlight of the day. Not so much for our shy buddies.

Hell is when the teacher says, “Find a partner.”

While shopping often seems to be one of Japan’s national past times, introverted folks don’t seem to enjoy it quite as much.

At the store, I can’t ask the staff for help and I always just end up looking for everything on my own.

▼ “WHERE’S THE SHAMPOO??”

Having friends is great! Unless they aren’t really your friends…

Classmate: We’re friends! (^o^)/

Me: Umm…ummm….

Despite all the fear, anxiety, and trepidation, it seems that socially awkward Japanese people really just want one thing.

Really, more than anyone else, I just have a longing for companionship.

But finding companions takes time for the shy.

After two semesters, I can start to get close to others.

Maybe not even then? Here was one response to the above aru aru comment.

No, it takes more than that!

Perhaps the number one thing introverts hear is “Why don’t you smile more?” That’s closely followed by…

Even when it’s not true, everyone thinks I’m angry.

Being a socially awkward person can make life difficult for sushi lovers as well.

At conveyor belt sushi restaurants, I just stick with the plates going round and round.
[Customers can make specific requests to the server at conveyor belt sushi restaurants.]

So what do our shy friends do when they need to recuperate really quickly?

I find retreating to the bath really soothing–far more than average.

With the crowded trains in Japan, we can’t really blame anyone for this. It just seems so much easier!

When commuting to work, I hide whenever I see a coworker.

Just meeting up with others can be a real pain for our introverted friends.

No matter how early I get to the meet-up spot, I go to another place where I can see it from and wait for the exact agreed upon time to head over.

Unfortunately, getting to the meet-up spot is only the beginning of the problems.

I can’t really join in with conversations, so I end up just laughing or adding “Oh, yeah?” Whenever I imagine myself during conversations, I almost start to cry.

Some introverts have attempted to devise ways around this problem, but it seems like there’s still work that needs to be done.

Whenever I must have a conversation with someone, I run a simulation of the conversation in my head. But if the actual conversation deviates from the simulation at all, I have no idea what the hell to do.

Other shy guys find themselves simply repeating the same thing over and over.

No matter how much I try to chat with other people, all that comes out is “Yeah, for sure.”

▼ “Please, I’ll say whatever you want! Just go away!”

To understand this next one, it’s important to know that adding “-san” to the end of a name is used to show respect, which wouldn’t normally be done with one’s juniors at work or at school.

I simply cannot refer to my junior coworkers without adding “-san” to their names.

And, of course, along with all the horrors of talking to others is the embarrassment of remembering each fumbled phrase when you get home.

In the middle of the night, I feel embarrassed about the things I said during the day, and repeat it all to myself in a frustrated voice.

Another socially awkward person chimed in, adding the following:

After having a chat, I always have a “review meeting” by myself, thinking of all the stuff I should have said.

But out of all of the “aru aru” things mentioned by shy and socially awkward people, perhaps the most shocking is this:

When I laugh or smile, people look surprised.

Ouch! That last one was a bit painful, wasn’t it? Well, what do you guys think? Can you sympathize with shy Japanese friends, or are they in a league of their own?

Sources: Aru Aru Matsuri
Image sources: Wikipedia (hikikomori, solititude)