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Seven examples of truly lame merchandise that even hardcore fans don’t want

Evie Nyan Apr 9, 2015
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For hardcore fans of a certain band or TV show, part of the fun is amassing a collection of tie-in products designed to meet your exact needs and interests. Nowhere does this ring true more than in Japan, where geeking out over a variety of goods relating to your most beloved anime or music group is basically all part and parcel of fandom.

But sometimes the companies who produce these products tends to go a little too far, attempting to dupe devoted fans out of their hard-earned cash in exchange for, well, a heap of junk. Read on to view seven of the worst offenders!

Fans of heavy metal band Sekima ii are seemingly blessed with some genuinely crappy merch. Take this official toilet seat featuring a snazzy black colour scheme and a nice picture of the group on the lid. Whatever this costs, we reckon it’s too much.

#たとえファンでもこんなグッズいらんわ選手権

かなり最後の方のオフィシャルグッズ。 pic.twitter.com/ZXvZTtTUyJ

— うみつん。@店じまい (@umihito222) April 6, 2015

Next up is this, um, “personal massager” endorsed by Japanese rock act Acid Black Cherry. Perfect for those who are feeling that Acid Black Cherry vibe. Get it?

父に見られてしまった私の気持ちを少しは考えて欲しい。#たとえファンでもこんなグッズいらんわ選手権 pic.twitter.com/MOCwN8dH1t

— 櫻 (@sakura1902) April 6, 2015

“Please consider how I felt when my dad accidentally caught sight of this,” writes the uploader of this picture. To be honest, we kind of think they deserve it for buying the thing in the first place…

Next up is this official Tohoshinki planty… thing. This appears to be official tour merchandise on sale at one of the K-pop act’s Japan shows. It looks like a little bit of moss with a stick in it and some googly eyes. And they want 3,240 yen (US$27) for this?!

https://twitter.com/ff00005w/status/584358608806129664

These appear to be some kind of plastic containers in which to put your Prince of Tennis and The Idolm@ster goods in. So you can keep them all in one place. We have no idea why someone would spend money on this.

#たとえファンでもこんなグッズいらんわ選手権

このタグで造形の悪いフィギュアとかパーカー挙げてるやつまだまだ甘いわ、業務用コンテナに勝てると思ってんの？ pic.twitter.com/XSKirPczU4

— れじあいす (@regiaice) April 6, 2015

Kamen Rider 000 fans can rejoice, because now they can purchase a job lot of 119 little plastic figurines from their fave show. For just 124,950 yen (US$1,042). Does anyone truly need that much plastic in their lives?

https://twitter.com/comecorice/status/584966124820803584

Big fan of the basketball manga and anime series Slam Dunk? Always wanted to know what your sporting heroes were hiding underneath those baggy shorts? Well now you can find out with these awkward nude dolls.

https://twitter.com/kytno9/status/584732487202410497

Fans of Inazuma Eleven, the role-playing sports game, will surely be delighted with this ugly little bronze figurine of Mamoru Endo (or, to use his “western” name, Mark Evans). Apparently, it will bring you good luck. Except, it won’t, because you’ll have just been duped out of spending a portion of your hard-earned money on a piece of tat.

https://twitter.com/sei_r_/status/584714739898429440

What happened to awesome tie-in goods like light-up flashing lightsabers, Tardis piggy banks, and replicas of the One Ring so shiny they could be used to fake out Gollum himself? It seems like Japan’s merchandise makers should be pulling their socks up and putting in a bit more effort if they want to cash in on the devotion of the fans.

Source: Kai-You
Main Image: Twitter @umihito222