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Eight ways to troll your fellow passengers while flying economy class: An illustrated guide

Scott Wilson Apr 24, 2015
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Flying to japan takes a long time. Depending on where you’re flying from and how many layovers you have, it can take 10 hours, 20 hours, or even more. And if you’re not rich, then chances are you’re stuck in economy class, cramped, uncomfortable, and forced to listen to at least three nonstop crying babies going off like sirens.

But no more! We here at RocketNews24 have assembled a list of eight ways to make your next economy flight much more enjoyable. Nothing gets the good vibes flowing like a good trolling, so get out from under your bridges and grab your clubs: it’s time to mildly annoy your fellow passengers.

1. Be a 90-degree looker

Did you not get the window seat that you wanted? No problem! Just constantly keep your head rotated at a perfect 90-degree angle (practicing with a protractor at home can help) staring out the window of the person next to you.

After a while this might make them uncomfortable for some reason, but if they offer to switch seats with you, be sure to decline their offer. Simply tell them that you “just want to look outside a little bit,” and continue to stare for as long as possible. Don’t forget to take an occasional long, deep sigh while staring.

2. Start a mass-looking

Only attempt this more advanced technique once you’ve perfected being a 90-degree looker. When you’re a little into the flight, look out the window on the complete opposite end of your row, and make a sound of amazement, like “ooh!” or “ahh!”

This will cause everyone else in the row to turn their heads and try to see what you were looking at, which will be nothing. Many of them may stretch or lean or even try to get up to get a better look, but all they will find is disappointment. Best used on planes that have a middle row of seats with no windows; those poor souls are desperate to look at anything.

3. The shutout

If you’re sitting in a window seat, simply close the shutter on your window and don’t open it for the remainder of the flight. Ideally this is best performed before even takeoff has occurred. If anyone sitting next to you asks why you sit in the window seat but don’t open the window, simply respond: “I like the window seat. I just don’t like looking out the window.”

4. Be the co-co-pilot

A rare technique that can only be performed on planes with screens that give you multiple views outside the plane, and if you have both seats next to you empty. Set your screen to the front camera view, and the seats next to you to the side camera views (left and right respectively). If there is only one side view, feel free to set one of them to the screen that gives the aircraft’s speed and height instead

Once you’re all set up, it is your duty to act as the co-co-pilot. Announce all changes in height and speed to those around you, and be sure to point out any objects of interest (such as clouds) that appear on the cameras. Everyone will appreciate having such a thoughtful co-co-pilot on board.

5. Trap the Bomberman

If you’ve ever played Bomberman, then you know the horror of accidentally setting a bomb and trapping yourself against a wall, just waiting for it to explode and end your game.

Well now you can bring that joy to others. When you’re sitting in the aisle seat or middle seat and the person in the window seat starts showing signs of having to use the bathroom, pretend to be asleep. They’ll be trapped, either waiting for their insides to explode, or leap over you to reach their goal. For best results put headphones in, and if there’s another person next to you, try to coordinate with them so the window seat person has to get through two “bombs” to achieve their goal.

6. Make everyone think you’re a flying pro

There’s nothing less pro than taking your headphones off when the flight attendant comes around to ask what you’d like to eat. “He hasn’t memorized the menu?” your fellow passengers will whisper to each other. “What a loser.” They’ll all shake their heads in shame at your utter lack of air-cred.

Not anymore though. You can trick everyone into thinking you’re a professional airplane rider with this simple trick: put your headphones on, turn on a movie, then set it on silent so you can still hear everything around you. This way you’ll be able to hear the food options that the flight attendant gives to everyone else before they come to you, and you can answer without even looking away from your screen.

It may be a little boring watching a silent movie, but it’ll be so worth it when everyone sees that you were able to respond to the flight attendant without even having to hear the options. Just imagine all the nods of approval you’ll get.

7. Make everyone think you’re an even bigger pro

If you want to look like a real flying expert, then try this. When the flight attendant asks you for your order, ask for something that’s not on the menu, but could conceivably be on it (like steak or pizza, but probably not waffles). When the flight attendant apologizes and says they don’t have it, sigh and tell the person next to you that they had it last week when you were flying to [insert impressive-sounding city name here, like Vienna or Moscow]. Everyone will be so dazzled they might cook it up for you anyway, just to hear your made-up stories of visiting [impressive-sounding city].

For bonus points, if the flight attendant says they don’t have what you ordered, attempt to tip them in the currency of [impressive-sounding city] to get them to make it. If that doesn’t get you a standing ovation, nothing will.

8. Change your nationality

If you have any foreign language or foreign accent experience, now’s your chance to show it off. Riding an airplane is like going to high school from middle school all over again; this is your chance to change who you are, to make people believe you’re someone new, if but only for a few hours.

Basically the complete opposite of the above two tips, for this one you want to have as much trouble as possible understanding the flight attendant. Ask them to repeat the options for food and drinks, look up words and phrases in the English phrasebook you planned ahead and brought with you, and be sure to ask the people sitting next to you about the strange customs of the people in the country you’re traveling to. This of course works best on return trips, when you’re traveling back to your home country.

At the end of the flight, feel free to thank them perfectly fluently in your native tongue, and say you really feel like your language skills have improved during the flight.

That’s all the tips we have for you today. Do you feel your trolling powers leveling up? Is your urge to mildly annoy others growing? Let us know of any success you have in the comments, and remember, when it comes to trolling, it’s just like Dumbledore said: “Do or do not, there is not try.”

Top/featured image: GO Hatori (Edited by RocketNews24)
Images: Mamiyak46
[ Read in Japanese ]