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No more earphones while cycling in Japan? Well, how about nipplephones?

ロケットニュース24 Jun 9, 2015
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As you probably know, bicycles are an incredibly common method of transportation in Japan. They’ve also been a source of many accidents in the country, and police have taken an increasingly strict approach to dealing with law-breaking cyclists. New rules have recently been implemented to keep the country’s streets from turning into a crazy, Mad Max-esque bicycle dystopia, and one that’s really got people’s attention is a prohibition on earphones/headphones while cycling.

The exact rule and punishment seems to vary from location to location, but wearing earphones in both ears is sure to get you at least a warning, and in some places, Tokyo included, even just one ear is now against the law. But, one of our intrepid RocketNews24 Japan writers thought, what about earphones on your nipples?

You may be wondering why our fabulously sexy P.K. decided to try out this, um, unusual way of getting music into his body. The answer is…we don’t know either. Sometimes our co-workers just seem to be at the will of the unrestrained id of a five-year-old hopped up on Pop Rocks and Coke.

Okay, that’s not entirely true, P.K. does seem to have a reason: Bone conduction!

You’ve probably heard of bone conduction before, but just in case, it’s basically a way of transmitting sound to your ears by sending vibrations through your bones. These kinds of headphones (bonephones?) have attracted attention in the last few years as the number of people listening to music on the go has increased.

However, P.K. seems to have decided that bone conduction would work better if he attached his earphones to his nipples. Which, we suppose would make them more like nipplephones, which sounds like something Leslie Nielsen would have tried in Naked Gun. In other words, we approve!

Of course, being a diligent, conscientious citizen, P.K. was sure to consult with the police about the legality of his nipplephones. The conversation apparently went…not well.

P.K. Good afternoon! (bows) We can’t really wear earphones in our ears as a result of the strengthening of the penalties of violating the bicycle transportation laws, but is this okay?
Police Weeeeellllll…it’s not illegal but…
P.K. Ah-ha! Okay, so there’s no problem with wearing earphones on one nipple while riding a bicycle, right?
Police It’s not illegal, but from another perspective, there’s a good chance we will still stop and question you.

So, that’s another strike against P.K.’s alternative approach to listening to music while cycling. He’s also probably now on one of those lists that you generally don’t want to be on either.

One more problem that P.K. identified was not actually being able to hear the music. He admits that he might not have completely understood how bone conduction works…Maybe he just needs to turn up the volume? Or, he could try attaching speakers to his nipples! We bet that would work even better.

The final issue is that riding around with earphones taped to your exposed nipple makes you look like a horrible, horrible pervert. On the other hand, he cheerfully adds, maybe this will result in some new, awesome idea!

Maybe it will, P.K. Maybe it will.