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Observing the first night of a married couple – Does such a family tradition exist?

KK Miller Aug 18, 2015
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Like in many countries, people in Japan sometimes turn to anonymous Internet forums for advice. A lot of their problems are the usualt sort of things one might imagine. What’s the best way to lose weight? Should I change jobs, or stay with the position I’ve got now?

And then, there was this young lady’s plight:

“I was told the worst thing by my grandmother and great-aunt. I come from a very old-fashioned family that has a long-standing tradition. They told me that on the night of my marriage, my relatives will open the door a crack and watch me and my husband’s first night as a married couple.” From Fretting Freshman

This message was left on Oshiete! goo, an online forum where people can write and respond to any sort of questions/comments one may have in life. The flurry of questions was posted by a very worried Japanese high school girl who is having a hard time believing that such a practice still exists in today’s modern society.

She continues:

“They told me that it is to confirm who the father of any unborn child is and to confirm the bride’s virginity. I hate this and just thinking about it makes me cry. I’m a freshman in high school and a conservative person. Do my relatives not trust me? Are they trying to threaten me? Do things like this still exist? We may be from an old-fashioned family, but do I have to do this? Please help.”

This is a custom that none of the RocketNews24 staff, Japanese or foreign-born, has ever heard of in Japan, and needless to say, the youg woman wants help or out of the family! However, when you turn to the Internet for answers, some of the advice might not be that helpful.

▼ Cat is watching you

A few people stated that such a “confirmation” may actually exist, and since her family has a long lineage, it is possible that this tradition has been passed down from generation to generation. One person mentioned that the act of checking in on the first night was practiced by foreign royalty to ensure that the marriage, which was most likely arranged, was properly consummated and official.

Most people casually told the worried teenager to just leave the family if she hated the idea so much. That sounds good on paper, but in reality it is probably easier said than done. Although, in the U.S. you would probably be able to find a lawyer who could use such a tradition as grounds to help you emancipate from your parents.

Overwhelmingly, the young people who offered words of advice seemed to keep to the same talking points, “Old people are crazy; Do what you want.” In this day and age, where the youth of the world drive a nation to change, it’s probably OK to ignore these types of traditions in favor of more normal ones. However, in a Japanese society where there is so much onus placed on the idea of “respecting your elders,” is it really so easy to defy a tradition that has meaning and importance to the family? Whichever side you stand on, what’s important is that you decide for yourself…or rally the screaming hordes of the Internet to give you strength.

What sort of advice would you give this young girl? Leave your comments below.

Source: Nico Nico News
Top image: Flickr/eva101
Insert image: Flickr/Jeff Oien