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Pretty Princess Sato: Our hero gets his makeup done by a pro, brings all the boys to the yard

ロケットニュース24 Sep 15, 2015
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We love our Mr. Sato. He’s the perfect combination of crazy, silly, and reckless — kind of like a Bugs Bunny that smokes! He’s also not exactly the youngest writer on the staff and is no stranger to being called “ugly” by cruel Japanese commenters. And Mr. Sato seems to have embraced this designation, even calling himself ugly at times.

Obviously, we completely disagree, but who listens to us? Certainly not Mr. Sato! Instead, he went out and found a professional makeup artist to do him up pretty before heading to a photo booth to see just how much of a pretty, pretty princess he could be. So how did it turn go for him? Read on to find out!

To start things off, Mr. Sato headed to one of Shinjuku’s more upscale department stores to buy some top-of-the-line makeup. Of course, he has basically no knowledge of makeup, so he had to ask the staff for help. Feeling a bit embarrassed, though, he ended up telling the woman helping him that he was dressing up as a lady for a company party. We’re not sure how that makes any difference, but at least he got her recommendations for the best supplies!

With the staff’s help, Mr. Sato was able to load up on foundation, eyeliner, lipstick, and blush. The grand total for these four items was 32,400 yen (about US$270). “I knew it would be expensive, but not this expensive,” Mr. Sato told us. “It’s tough being a woman!” It turns out that beauty doesn’t just hurt; it also costs an arm and a leg!

▼ Today’s lesson? Makeup does not come cheap!

▼ Seriously, who does not love that face?!

With his new purchases in hand, Mr. Sato headed to Omotesando in Harajuku, one of Tokyo’s most fashionable areas, to meet a professional makeup artist. He’d already made an appointment, so they knew he’d be bringing his own cosmetics, and this wasn’t the first time Mr. Sato has sought this pro’s help — the same artist had turned Mr. Sato into L’ArcenCiel’s frontman, Hyde, earlier this year. Mr. Sato shares a little bit about the experience with us below!

▼ Getting mentally ready to be beautiful!

The first thing the artist did was moisturizing. It turns out Mr. Sato’s skin was dry — in fact, it was much drier than he’d ever realized! The artist went so far as to call it “rough,” though he couldn’t tell himself. We guess it’s not as bad as having oily skin, but it’s still not great.

▼ Making Mr. Sato moist, moist, moist.

After getting Mr. Sato’s skin nice and moist, it was time to throw some expensive foundation at his face! Or, in this case, to expertly apply the foundation, eyeliner, and eye shadow. Next was the lipstick and the blush.

▼ This is what real magic looks like.

▼ Eye-gouging is definitely an essential part of any application of makeup.

▼ Helloooooo, Mr. Sato!

An hour and one wig later, here is our resplendent Mr. Sato!

Watch out Scarlett Johansson, your job as prettiest woman in Hollywood is on the line!

Adding in 6,480 yen for the makeup application, brought everything to 38,800 yen. But how was Mr. Sato feeling about his new face? “I looked like I was in a washed out band,” Mr. Sato lamented. Even after spending nearly 40,000 yen, he felt like he’d never escape his fate of having “old man face.”

▼ Later, he admitted that slapping a cap on his head probably didn’t help much…

▼ He does kind of look like a hair metal singer in this photo…

▼ But a pretty hair metal singer!

Clearly, Mr. Sato wasn’t satisfied with the results. We imagine shaving might have helped, but there was one stop left in the day for Mr. Sato: A session at a photo booth!

▼ “Cheeeeeeese!”

This is where the real magic actually happened, according to our gorgeous writer! Thanks to the lighting, eye-enlargement, and general beautification that photo booths apply to photos, Mr. Sato ended up looking…well, you’ll have to see for yourself!

▼ Last minute primping…

▼ Meet Satoko!

▼ Satoko is not available for dates, sadly.

▼ Fear not, Satoko! We definitely love you!

In the end, with the right makeup and software, it turned out Mr. Sato could finally cure himself of “ugly face!” (Not that we think he needed it.) And thus he truly did bring all the boys to the yard.

Don’t you just love a happy ending?