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“If we catch you we will kill you”—10 Japanese notices that will definitely leave an impact

Meg Murphy Jan 8, 2016
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Notices and warnings are everywhere, so it’s easy to simply look past them. But these ones spotted in Japan are a little harder to ignore.

1. If you spontaneously sex change…

名神吹田のサービスエリアで。
関西にはトイレが混在してるとき、「いまだけ男～！」と言いながら男子トイレに入ってくるおばちゃんが時々、出没します！ pic.twitter.com/dWT7P7Aly3

— 田村太郎 (@tamurataro) June 7, 2015

“For men only. Women, please do not use. Also, please refrain from making up rules that you’re ‘a man just for now.'”

@tamurataro writes that, sometimes, when public bathrooms are crowded, older Kansai women will go into the men’s room instead while saying “I’m a man just for now!” If I hadn’t just witnessed an old woman in a busy bathroom at Osaka Station myself, doing her business with the stall door wide open, I wouldn’t have believed this guy.

2. You don’t want to know what’s in there…

@scorpioheart1 claims that at the first inspection of this lodging, the ghost detector circuit he had with him went off, and then the night he stayed he found this…

合宿先に下見言ったとき、俺のケツ霊感レーダーが反応したんだ。ムズムズね。。。

そして合宿当日。これである。
やばい(確信) pic.twitter.com/ryCyoexWKu

— カメユキ (@scorpioheart1) March 12, 2015

“Attention customers: There is no bedding or any other necessities for you in this closet. Whatever you do, do not open.”

Image: Meme Generator

3. Idiots everywhere

https://twitter.com/032st0/status/626647080283430912

“To Hokkaido University Department of Agriculture students using bike parking: a request regarding the keeping of pathways.
We understand that as students you are busy with studying, research, extracurricular activities, job hunting (and making preparations to prepare for job hunting, etc…), illicit sexual relationships, troubles at home, etc. Please do the best you can in each situation.
Now, about how students are using the bike parking area. Unfortunately we’ve been seeing some idiots who park their bikes jutting out around the entrance. And not just near the entrance—most of the idiots are parking their bikes sticking out into the pathways. In other words, most of those using the Department of Agriculture’s bike parking are idiots. The essence (lol) of this parking lot is to preserve the pathways. This is all something an idiot wouldn’t be able to comprehend, but just try thinking about it as best you can in your idiotic way.”

4. The original tweet

I hope they didn’t try using an online translator, they’ll never get their message across!

https://twitter.com/_exochika_/status/683105579309465600

“To all of the birds: Chirp chirp, tweet tweet, etc. Beware of the glass. Chirp cheep chirp chirp chirp. Tweet tweeeet tweet tweet tweeet.”

5. This one goes to the dogs

https://twitter.com/hosshyan/status/683882997607563264

“Dear dogs, When you go for a walk with your human, please make sure they bring a scoop and some bags.”

6. Life-sucking kisses

This was found at @arudora331’s university library. It makes you wonder if these are all things that have once happened there…

大学の図書館の注意書クッソワロタ pic.twitter.com/lzDrWWdFMf

— アルドラ (@arudora331) October 16, 2014

Translated by RocketNews24

7. Crime and Punishment

歌舞伎町の路地裏の、この張り紙のインパクト!! pic.twitter.com/ayk6zpyFmo

— 村田らむ (@rumrumrumrum) January 3, 2016

“To anyone who urinates here: If we catch you we will kill you.”

You probably don’t want to test this out.

8. No respect for the solders

誰だよ図書館ではんだごて使ったの pic.twitter.com/THpRrsYXGI

— ✈49は素数 (@toneyama2) August 5, 2015

“Do not use soldering iron. Fires in the library are strictly prohibited. The use of soldering irons is also forbidden.”

But what else would you do in a building full of (flammable) books?

9. The bill to end all bills

張り紙を許さない張り紙 pic.twitter.com/UAzPFtNVBD

— 山口夕輝 (@yuppinoyupitter) December 27, 2015

“Post no bills.”

Says the posted bill.

10. Good food, better service

https://twitter.com/frenemytwins/status/645217702475231233

→Do not flirt with the male staff. They will take you seriously, and won’t get any work done.
→Do not ask the age of the female staff. Your bill will be doubled.
→We are careful about the air conditioning inside our shop, but if you are chilled by the staff’s jokes you may request a blanket.
→If you are pregnant, please let us know. We will think of a name together.
→We can reheat a cold relationship with our food. Please discreetly instruct your server.
→Sexual harassment of female staff and subordinates is prohibited.
→Please let us know if you are a celebrity. We’re sorry we didn’t notice. We’ll come get your autograph.
→Don’t throw drinks on the staff. We will go Mr. Hyde on you.
→Please don’t try to lure away the staff with offers of better conditions. We will follow.
→If the food is good, please let us know. We’ll keep doing our best.

Nothing like a little humor (or threats of death) to get people’s attention!

Source: Twitter via Curazy
Top image: Twitter/ @rumrumrumrum edited by RocketNews24