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Japanese gay bar “mama” gives the best advice for how to get over a breakup we’ve ever heard

Scott Wilson Sep 9, 2018
Tweet

First, you cry. Then, you take a deep breath. Next, you feed upon their flesh.

Getting dumped sucks. There’s a million different ways for it to happen, but at the end of the day, heartbreak is going to hurt no matter if it was a gentle letdown or if they suddenly moved away, changed their name, and also deleted your Pokémon save file.

So then the question is, how do you get over it? Sure, you can sulk with your friends, go out for a crazy night on the town, or try to immediately replace your lost love with someone new. But all of those strategies have one common flaw: your ex is still alive in the world. If only there were some way to “metaphorically” remove them….

Thankfully Japanese Twitter user @mushidori11_25 shared some wisdom they learned from a gay bar “mama” on how to truly break free:

▼ For those unaware, the “mama” is usually the bartender/owner, a man who
is very experienced in both the ways of love and alcohol. (Translation below)

行きつけのゲイバーのママに失恋から立ち直る方法聞いたら「まずクソ高い焼肉屋に行くのよ！そこでクソ高い骨付きカルビを食べるの、よく味わってね、あといっぱいお酒飲んで、その後、残った骨をカリカリに焼いてその男は死んだと思って適当な場所に散骨する」って斜め上の最終手段教えてもらった。

— ぁずぁず📱📱 (@nakamoto11_25) September 6, 2018

“I asked the mama at a gay bar I often go to how to overcome heartbreak. They told me this unexpected, last-ditch method: ‘First, you go to a stupid-expensive yakinuku (grill-your-own-meat) restaurant. There, eat some stupid-expensive galbi meat (rib meat) with the bone still on it, really taste it. Also drink a lot of alcohol, and after that, take the leftover bones and burn them to a crisp, as if you were burning the bones of the man who dumped you. Then you take the ashes of those bones and spread them somewhere.'”

Oh. Oh wow. Well, that’s one way to do it! I can imagine visualizing yourself eating the flesh of the person who spurned you, then burning their bones, and scattering their ashes to the wind must be quite cathartic!

▼ “This is for om nom all the times you om nom
pressed B when my Charmander was evolving, Taka-kun om nom nom!”

But metaphorically-cannibalistic images aside, there’s a lot of good truth to the mama’s advice. Treating yourself to a tasty meal, and perhaps imbibing in some emotion-dulling beverages, might be a good way to jump head-first into the healing process.

▼ I mean, just looking at this galbi meat right here can make me smile.
Actually getting to eat it would turn even the worst day back around!

Here’s how Japanese Twitter responded to this solid life advice:

“Nice. Also works for dealing with people you just hate in general too!”
“This advice is delicious, down to the bone.”
“I wish I knew this years ago.”
“Yakiniku restaurants should totally get on this and sell a ‘Breakup Galbi with Bone.'”
“But what if you’re so heartbroken you have no appetite?”

Hey, that’s the wrong attitude to have there, netizen! Getting your appetite back and enjoying nice things is the first step to getting over it. Now, forget that they broke up with you via instant messenger, get yourself to a yakinuku restaurant, and start chewing on their bones, right away!

Source: Twitter/@mushidori11_25 via My Game News Flash
Top image: Photo-AC
Insert images: Pakutaso, Wikimedia Commons/댓잎왕갈비