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We test out a product that promises it will make cars obsolete: these goofy looking boots

Master Blaster Oct 14, 2018
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Dr. NakaMats, you’ve done it again!

We are all big fans of Dr. Nakamatsu or Dr. NakaMats as he is affectionately and corporately known. A tireless inventor and winner of the Ig Nobel Prize, and self-proclaimed “Greatest Scientist in History,” Dr. NakaMats greatest achievement is undoubtedly not dying.

Back in 2014, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and essentially given a death sentence by his doctor. However, now at age 89 he still travels the world and creates new products for us humble consumers of his greatness.

This time, our reporter, Seiji Nakazawa purchased the Super Pyon Pyon, also known as “Super Pyon2“ for those leading lives too active to have the time to utter or spell “pyon” twice. One pair cost 18,300 yen (US$162) which might sound like a lot until you realize that they are, according to the product description, “good for the environment, good for your health, and will replace cars and bikes!”

When the box arrived, the product was called Jumping Jax rather than Super Pyon2, but it still bore the Dr. NakaMats seal of approval. The box was also rather dinged up and looked like it had come from a garage sale, but that was okay. Seiji was more interested in unlocking the power within it.

First he adjusted the size of his Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon with the Allen key that came included at no extra charge!

Then he slipped on these fantastic boots and prepared to revolutionize urban transport as we know it.

But first he would have to stand up. The real difficult part about wearing Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon is that the feet rest directly on an arc, which is counterintuitive compared with the flat ground humans are used to stepping on.

It took a few tries but finally Seiji could stand upright, and boy was it a change! Since the springs were about 20 centimeters (8 inches) in diameter, his own height was significantly enhanced to a whopping 185 centimeters (six-foot-one). He could finally see the world from the same perspective of great men like Jay-Z and Freddie Prinze Jr. for a change.

Sure standing was hard, but these boots were made for walking, and that’s just what they’d do. Seiji immediately stepped outside for some field testing.

Surprisingly, walking was a breeze with Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon! Seiji was amazed at how effortlessly he could strut around the streets of Tokyo. It felt like he was walking on a bunch of fluffy clouds.

However, coming to a halt was difficult. The springs had their own independent momentum and were unable to stop on a dime…or more importantly at a traffic light. Still, Seiji could safely make it to his local park so he could really open these babies up.

Unencumbered by traffic or obstacles, Seiji prepared to run at full speed. We made sure to film him at an ultra high frame rate in case he began to move at speeds faster than the human eye could detect.

Here we go!

Apparently, running in these things is a lot like running in ski boots, mainly because they basically are ski boots. The springs certainly helped propel him forward, but they also added to the already burdensome weight.

This also made jumping, in the strict sense of the word, nearly impossible for Seiji, which was especially disappointing considering the word “jump” was in the product’s names three times and modified by the words “super.”

Still, Seiji could bounce and skip around very well, just as long as he didn’t have to make a sudden stop or stand still ever. Considering Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon is also intended as a health product, that’s probably not a bad thing.

▼ Full video of Seiji’s Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon

According to the product description, “10 minutes with Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon is equivalent 30 minutes of regular exercise.” Seiji could attest to that having broken out in a sweat and feeling the burn in his thighs after only that cute little jaunt through the park.

So in conclusion, the Super Jumping Pyon Jax Pyon can burn calories and benefit your health, they revolutionized the way Seiji got around in more ways than one, and even replaced his bike and car both of which never existed in the first place.

Dr. NakaMats delivered on every promise he made! Who would expect any less from the creator of Donald Trump’s weaponized wig?

Source: Dr. NakaMats Online Shop
Images: SoraNews24
[ Read in Japanese ]