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And now, the story of a smelly fart on a crowded Japanese commuter train

Casey Baseel Dec 14, 2018
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Poor triangulation skills lead to a heated argument with a surprising solution to the mystery.

Commuter trains in Japan can get incredibly crowded at rush hour, when sometimes even one station employee passenger pusher isn’t enough to get everyone aboard. Being in such close proximity to so many other people can make for an uncomfortable ride to work or school, and it doesn’t get any more pleasant if you happen to also be in close proximity to someone’s fart.

満員電車の中で隣の女が前のおっさんに「屁しただろ、くせぇんだよ」と暴言を吐いていた。
おっさんは冷や汗かきながら「お前がしたんだろ！人のせいにするな！」と一触即発のピリピリしたムードになった。
みんなイライラしないで、仲良くできないものか。。。

ちなみに屁は俺がした

— やまだだ　4月4日高円寺無力無善寺🎸 (@yyamadada) December 12, 2018

Japanese Twitter user @yyamadada was recently on a packed train where an argument broke out when a woman accused the man in front of her of farting and the man employed the time-honored whoever-smelled-it-dealt-it defense.

@yyamadada recaps the quarrel with:

“I was on the train, and the woman standing next to me went off on the middle-age guy standing in front of her. ‘You farted, didn’t you?’ she angrily said. ‘It smells so gross!’

The guy broke out in a sweat but fired back with ‘You’re the one who farted! Don’t try to blame other people!’ It made the mood in the train so tense and hostile. Can’t we all just stay cool and get along?”

What a mature take on things – oh, wait, there’s one more part to @yyamadada’s report:

“By the way, the one who actually farted was me.”

In @yyamadada’s defense, when the trains are crowed in Japan, there’s no way to move to another car, and he might have been too embarrassed at the prospect of admitting his role as the smell’s source if he still had a long ride until the station he was headed to. He’s also got a point about the importance of trying to keep your irritation in check when you’re on public transportation, as neither the angry woman nor the man she was bickering with was really the one causing the odor.

Still, @yyamadada only revealing to those online that his butt was the fart’s origin had other Twitter users leaving comments such as “Dude, you should have apologized!” and “You should have taken responsibility and told them, then you could have all laughed together.” Sure, under normal circumstances, unless you’re a seventh-grade boy trying to get a laugh from your buddies (or an adult video actress participating in a live fart-on-stage event), it’s generally poor form to give other people unsolicited updates on your flatulent accomplishments. However, as a military acquaintance of mine who had to deal with such problems in his barracks once said, “When you fart in a crowded, enclosed space, at least shout ‘Fire in the hole!’ and claim that stink.”

Source: Twitter/@yyamadada via Hachima Kiko
Top image: Pakutaso