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“I respect this poo” — Field-testing the stress relieving throwable poo ball from Daiso【Videos】

Casey Baseel Feb 6, 2019
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Ever been so angry you just want to fling your crap at the floor? The 100 yen chain has something for you, and it comes with an inspiring message.

For the most part, our Japanese-language reporter Go Hatori is a cheerful, well-adjusted guy. But like any member of our modern, hectic society, sometimes he feels the negative effects of stress in his life, and lately he’s been looking for a way to alleviate those harmful feelings.

Go could have chosen to wash away his stress with meditation, or perhaps channel his unwanted nervous energy into focused, intense forms of exercise. But instead, he chose to deal with his stress by flinging poo around his apartment.

Now it’s true that we sometimes do some pretty gross stuff here at SoraNews24, such as making salt from our own sweat and using it to season rice balls, or taste-testing 16-year-old ramen. However, even our dedication to wacky pseudo-science has its limits, and Go wasn’t tossing actual human feces around his living space. Instead, he was hucking our latest find from 100 yen store Daiso: the Splat Poo Ball.

This imitation coil of crap is marketed in Japanese as the Unchi Punyu Punyu Ball, or “Squishy Poo Ball.” Apparently Daiso believes it to be a product with a strong international appeal, as evidenced by its multilingual packaging that contains the boast/question “If you throw it at the floor, it relieves stress?!” in Japanese, with an abridged version in English directly below.

It’s unusual for a commercially available product’s packaging to sound so unsure of itself, but we suppose existing as a replica of human waste doesn’t infuse the Splat Poo Ball with much confidence. Eager to discover the answer to the question posed by the packaging, Go handed over the 108-yen (US$0.97) for the item and its sales tax, which was still less than he’d have had to spend on a sufficient amount of greasy fast food to make a poo ball of his own.

Once he had it out of the package, Go gave the poo ball a cautious squeeze, and found it to be a pretty convincing feces facsimile. It felt moist and pliant, with just the right firmness, just like a proper poo emerging from the backside of a person with a healthy diet and lifestyle. There was one major break from authenticity, however, in that the Splat Poo Ball is cool to the touch, and its lack of residual body heat serves as a reassuring reminder that you’re not holding an actual turd.

▼ It’s also durable enough to withstand hard squeezing.

The real test, though, would be how satisfying it would be to throw. Go felt a little apprehensive, however, wondering whether the “splat” portion of the Splat Poo Ball’s name meant he should be prepared for some wide-radius splatter. Still, what was he going to do, not throw the fake handful of shit on his floor? So he cocked his arm, swung his shoulder downwards, and …

…just as promised, the poo hit the hardwood floor with a satisfying splat and flattened itself out.

But then, something incredible happened.

As Go stood at the pancaked poo, it began to reform itself, and sprung back into its original shape!

In hindsight, maybe Go shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, a one-time-use fake poo ball would be a very hard sell. Still, he’d expected that maybe you’d have to stick it in the freezer to get it back to its original shape, or maybe wait 30 minutes or something.

But nope. No matter how hard you fling it, no matter how forceful the impact, the Splat Poo Ball is back to its old self in seconds.

Even after Go threw it dozens of times, it fully retained its regenerative properties. Go even figured out that the best grip to use when throwing is with the coil pointing downwards, since it half rotates on descent and that starting position ensures it lands with the coil skyward, just like a real freshly dropped deuce.

So did the Splat Poo Ball relieve Go’s stress? Kind of, but it actually managed to do something even more impressive: it inspired him. “No matter what life throws at it, this poo always gets back up,” he reverently said. “This poo is amazing. I respect this poo. I can hear a voice coming from it, and it’s saying “Get back on your feet. Don’t give up.”

Ordinarily, if you hear poo, real or artificial, talking to you, we’d recommend ignoring it, but in this case it’s a message worth taking to heart.