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Japanese man finds grandpa using masturbatory aid as flower vase on altar for deceased grandma

Casey Baseel Mar 5, 2019
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Elegant design of grandson’s left-behind Tenga tricks devoted senior.

In just about every Japanese home, you’ll find an altar with photographs and ashes of ancestors who have passed away. At the altar, the family members who live in the house say prayers, burn incense, and make offerings of things such as fruit or cakes.

For example, in Japanese Twitter user @koniy0805’s parents’ home there’s an altar with a photo of his grandmother, who passed last year. When @koniy0805 came to visit for the first time in a while, he made sure to stop by the altar to say hello to his grandmother, and he saw that her photo was flanked by fresh flowers in a pair of containers…but one of those containers wasn’t a flower vase.

久々に実家に帰宅。
一年前に他界した祖母に挨拶しに行くと、前の職場の送別会で貰ったTENGAが、歴史上かつてない程に最悪の使われ方をしていた。

おじいちゃん……
それは、花瓶じゃないよ。
他の家族は一体なぜこうなる前に止めなかったのか。

未使用品だったのがせめてもの救い。 pic.twitter.com/BmdkTKf7yR

— Framingo Devil🎺ノスカー✨ (@koniy0805) March 1, 2019

Yes, that striped red and silver vessel to the left of the framed photo can hold water, but it was actually designed to be filled up with an entirely different kind of liquid. While the logo is partially obscured, you can make out the letters G and A near the base, because it’s actually a Tenga, Japan’s most popular masturbatory aid.

@koniy0805 describes the experience with:

“I went back to visit my home town for the first time in a while. My grandmother passed away a year ago, so I wanted to say a prayer for her, and I saw that the Tenga I received as a going-away present when I quit my old job is being used in the worst way anyone has ever used it.

Grandpa…that’s not a flower vase. Why didn’t any of my relatives stop him before this happened?

The only silver lining is that I hadn’t ever used it.”

Of course, if Tengas came with a large opening at the tip, they would be extremely messy to use for their original purpose. After further investigating, @koniy0805 found out that his grandfather had taken a pair of pliers and torn a hole in the top of the Tenga in order to fit the flowers in.

ニッパーか何かで上の空気穴をこじ開けた形跡が……
おじいちゃんの渾身の工作だったんだろうな～……

申し訳ないけどコレばかりは没収&破棄。 pic.twitter.com/je3S0bNJYN

— Framingo Devil🎺ノスカー✨ (@koniy0805) March 1, 2019

A couple of questions spring quickly to mind. First, what kind of job/office did @koniy0805 work in that his coworkers sent him off with “Good luck in your new job! Oh, and we think you’re going to be jacking off a lot”? And second, when he moved out of his parents’ house, why didn’t he take the Tenga with him, or at least throw it away instead of leaving it for the house’s remaining occupants to apparently stumble across when tidying up his room?

We may never know the answers to those mysteries, but at least one commenter offered a possible explanation of how Gramps could have thought the Tenga looked liked a pretty flower vase, as even the company itself has previously offered a Tenga vase as a promotional tie-in.

https://twitter.com/newakiba21/status/1101436896784216065

If you didn’t already know what it was for, it wouldn’t be hard to think it might be a vase, and even if @koniy0805’s grandfather read the large “Tenga” printed on the side, he might have assumed it was just the Japanese word tenga, written in kanji as 典雅 and meaning “grace,” giving him all the more reason to think it was an elegant interior accent.

Regardless, @koniy0805 didn’t feel right having such a suggestive object standing erect next to the photo of his dearly departed grandmother, and says he has since gotten rid of the Tenga, although he was too embarrassed to tell his grandfather what it really was. Of course considering the company’s advanced design aesthetics, there’s always the chance that Grandpa will spot a Tenga for sale at the drug store and pick up another “vase” like the one he used to have, but at least that awkward moment will be between him and the cashier, not @koniy0805.

Source: Twitter/@koniy0805 via Jin
Featured image: Twitter/@koniy0805
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Follow Casey on Twitter, where he guesses using a Tenga as a flower vase is better than vice-versa.