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Major retailer in Japan announces it will be “cumming soon”

Master Blaster Jun 12, 2019
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TMI, Aeon…TMI.

It’s hard to go anywhere in Japan and not come across the name Aeon, a conglomerate of retail services housed in gigantic mall and mall-like complexes found in pretty much every town and city.

They pride themselves so much on their low prices and convenience that they are really excited to tell us about the new developments at their location in Okinawa. How excited you ask?

これが沖縄の学力です。 pic.twitter.com/bM444xt1HD

— ひょん (@hyone_vanew) June 2, 2019

Yes, as shown in the tweet posted by Hyone (@hyone_vanew), the singer for the Okinawan hard rock group Vanew, the leading retailer it so full of great deals and quality merchandise that even the slightest touch will set off an explosion of great savings all over our faces and hopefully out of our eyes.

▼ If that mental image was a little much, then cleanse your brain with Vanew’s 2014 single “Pálpebra”

It was a refreshingly candid remark by the normally guarded organization and had a humanizing effect in the eyes of other Twitter users.

“Me too.”
“That seems more like someone messing around than an honest mistake.”
“Are we all just going to ignore ‘New Open’ now?”
“Hopefully Aeon doesn’t have any new open schools cumming soon.”
“Oh-ho! That’s nasty.”
“Okinawa, here I cum!”
“A new Tenga shop is opening?”
“Someone hit it with a hose.”

Some Twitter users also pointed out that this seems suspiciously like it was done on purpose since using Japanese phonics “camming” would be closer to the English pronunciation of “coming” and thus a more likely misspelling. “Cumming” in Japanese would sound more like “cooming”.

This could be done on purpose...
if a Japanese would type it the way it sounds, it would become “camming”. I have doubts on this one.

— Joachim Vandersleyen (@jovds) June 3, 2019

Whether a mistake or a rogue translator, it was real, however. News site J-Town Net reached out to the Ryukyu Islands division of Aeon, who said: “We learned of the situation when it went viral on social media and confirmed that the spelling error was there. We quickly had it taken down and put up a new poster with the correct spelling.”

This corrected poster was also quickly picked up by Twitter users who took a picture of it with some classy new serifs to boot. They also apparently drew the line at changing “New Open” to something a little more fluent like “Grand Opening,” despite having the perfect opportunity to do so.

https://twitter.com/0706Basket/status/1135491797054967809

Nevertheless, Aeon is no longer cumming soon. They’re probably smoking a cigarette in the moonlight or asking their partner what they’re thinking about. But they’ll probably be back at it soon enough, as Aeon sure does get around. I even heard of one guy who went in and out of there like 2.7 million times.

Source: Twitter/@hyone_vanew, J-Town Net
Featured image: Twitter/@hyone_vanew
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