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Mr. Sato seeks meaty, booze-soaked redemption at Lopia【Japan’s Best Home Senbero】

Master Blaster Oct 30, 2021
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Armed with new knowledge from Oita, Mr. Sato attempts the all-meat senbero one more time.

Previously, on Japan’s Best Home Senbero, our Senbero God Mr. Sato and the Senbero Dark Lord Masanuki Sunakoma clashed in a fierce dance-off. It was a brutal, cataclysmic battle that Mr. Sato suddenly had to excuse himself from because he had a flight to Oita he needed to catch.

While there, he learned more about their local take on serving a set of food and alcohol for about 1,000 yen (US$8.80), known as a “senbero” in Japanese. The land was fruitful in ancient techniques such as the octopus-wiener rocket at the izakaya Senbero Rocket.

Mr. Sato drank in all the knowledge, as well as booze, and raised his senbero power level to 324,000.

Upon returning to Tokyo he decided to take on a supermarket that he had always dreamed of. Lopia is a bulk retailer sometimes referred to as the “Costco of Japan”, and Mr. Sato thought he was finally ready to attempt a meat-lover’s senbero from there. Long-time readers might recall Mr. Sato’s last meat-filled senbero was not very good, but had he learned from his past mistakes?

For his drink, our reporter once again selected the reliable sake of One Cup Ozeki, but this time he got a Jumbo 300-milliliter (10-ounce) size for 149 yen ($1.49).

Next, he got a 318-gram (11-ounce) pack of grain-fed beef rib roast for 343 yen ($3).

Then he found a 144-gram (5-ounce) pork stomach for just 93 yen ($0.82).

But to be a Senbero God you don’t just need guts. You’ve got to have heart too, so Mr. Sato bought one of those as well, in the form of a 165-yen ($1.45) pork heart.

These chicken skins came already seasoned with garlic for only 163 yen ($1.43).

This pack of dried sausages from Spain, called “Minuets”, were only 50 yen ($0.44), so why not let them join the party?

And finally, a pre-made beef-rib rice burger for 109 yen ($0.96).

Also, the clerk must have sensed he was dealing with senbero greatness, because he gifted Mr. Sato with a cube of tallow, free of charge ($0).

This seven-item senbero came to a total of 973 yen ($8.56) before taxes and amounted to about a kilo (2.2 pounds) of meat.

First, Mr. Sato started carving up his pig stomach.

It was then that he realized with this elegant robe and professional cutting manner, he really was destined to have his own cooking show.

▼ “Senbero Culinary Expert Berobero Hidenori”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh! There’s oil on my knife! You know what ‘oil’ is backwards, don’t you?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “LIO-ve, baby!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “…”

Not getting the reaction he wanted from his recycled joke, Mr. Sato went back to cutting up his pork heart.

Before frying everything up, the Senbero God salted his organ meat.

Once again intoxicated by his own style, he decided to imitate the popular Salt Bae, to prepare for hosting his own TV show.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Salt!”

Then he loaded up his pan.

Things were going so well that Mr. Sato began feeling really confident about his cooking ability and decided to try something he’d never done before.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Here we go… Three… Two…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “ONE!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Whoa! I did it!!!”

He actually did not do it. He just couldn’t see the pile of meat that he’d dropped from the angle he was standing, and needed to be told to clean his mess up.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh, look! There’s still some oil on the table. You know what ‘oil’ is backwards, don’t you?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “LIO-ve!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Sato Bae!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Alright folks, these pieces of heart need more time to cook so I’m going to put a lid over the pan.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Leeeeeet’s lid this!”

The Senbero God seemed to be sinking deeper into his delusion of being a television host and even hallucinated that he was being taped in front of a live studio audience.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Thank you, thank you. But you guys know what I always say at times like this?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hamburger!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “HAHAHAHA!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “HAAAAAAAAMBURGER!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Standing Ovation]

▼ Mr. Sato: “Alright! The heart is finished.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Say… Is anyone looking?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “The coast is clear over here too?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “How about just one sneaky bite?”

Mr. Sato was very pleased with his cooking so far. The heart was very tender and juicy, especially straight from the pan. This only fueled his delusion further, however.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Okay folks, now we will be frying the chicken organ meats I got.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “You all might be asking: ‘Mr. Sato, why do you eat so much organ meat?'”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Well, it’s very healthy and full of nutrients.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “See, the label has all the nutritional…wait a minute…”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Chicken skin?!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Why didn’t anyone tell me I bought a whole pack of just skin?! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Scared silence]

▼ Mr. Sato: “Oh well… Aren’t I a nut, folks?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Food’s food, so let’s fry these suckers up!”

As the chicken skins fried the scent of their garlic seasoning filled the room. One of his favorite flavors, our reporter celebrated his bounty with a traditional senbero thanksgiving dance.

He had never eaten chicken skins like this before, but they looked really nice and crispy.

The final step was to fry up the beef, so Sato Bae got to seasoning.

However, he was so caught up in his own theatrics, he put too much on the meat.

There was no turning back, however, so he started frying it as it was.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hmm, only half-done. This meat’s thick.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “You know what that means…folks?”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “Let’s lid it up!!!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “I can’t hear yooooouuu…♪”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “LET’S LID IT UP!!!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Hamburger!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “HAHAHAHA!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “HAAAAAAAAMBURGER!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Goes Wild]

While the beef was finishing up, Mr. Sato put the beef-rib rice burger into the microwave.

That was it, and it only took an hour after factoring in all of our Senbero God’s clowning around.

It looked successful too, and was quite likely his meatiest senbereo of all time.

As Mr. Sato savored the aroma of his senbero, a figure appeared in the doorway.

▼ Mr. Sato: “This beef looks so good! I’m going to eat it first!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: “YEAH!!!”

It was Masanuki, but he looked different…changed.

Mr. Sato actually wasn’t sure if he had saved Masanuki’s soul during their last dance battle.

Mr. Sato was on a really tight schedule, and quite frankly, Masanuki’s a big boy who should try saving his own soul every once in a while.

But he seemed genuinely interested in Mr. Sato’s senbero – not to ruin it like he usually does, but perhaps to enjoy it with him?

However, once Mr. Sato made eye contact with him, Masanuki’s face immediately turned cold and dark.

▼ Mr. Sato: “Time to eat…huh?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Aw come on! You don’t usually show up until the dessert segment. I haven’t even taken a bite yet!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “And you were smiling just now! What’s up with that?”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Nooo! One bite! I beg you!”

▼ Masanuki: “Gyarrrrrr!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Stop! Your chin…is…kind of gross!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Wait! I need to take a bite, or this senbero will not have even started!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Leaving a senbero unfinished like this is a severe violation of the Code! I’m not even sure what will happen if we leave now!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Owwwwww! Can you at least tuck your chin back in?!”

▼ Mr. Sato: “Man, you used to be cool.”

▼ Mr. Sato: “I even wore my good robe because I thought we were past this.”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Astonished Gasps]

A deafening silence descended on the room as Mr. Sato’s senbero sat on the table, untouched.

The scent of the meat gradually drifted to the farthest corners of the office, where a young sheep herder was tending to his flock.

▼ Seiji: “What’s this?”

▼ Seiji: “Whoa! Look at all this meat!”

▼ Seiji: “Everything’s so nicely cooked and seasoned. Was Salt Bae here or something?”

▼ Seiji: “It’d be a shame to let all this food go to waste, and since there’s no one else here…”

Taking his first bite of a Senbero God’s meal, an overwhelming power surged through Seiji’s body.

▼ Seiji: “Mwahahaha! I am one with the meat!”

▼ Seiji: “It’s mine! All mine!!!”

▼ Seiji: “HAHAHA! Cheers!”

▼ Seiji: “Oh it’s a jumbo too!”

This was a senbero fit for a god, and in such an unprecedented situation it wasn’t clear if young Seiji’s human form could handle so much meat and alcohol satisfaction.

▼ Seiji: “This beef is so damn good!”

▼ Seiji: “And with all this sake…it’s amazing! I feel like time doesn’t even exist anymore.”

▼ Seiji: “Oh my god! Chicken skin?! I freaking love these things!”

▼ Seiji: “OH YEAH!!! They’re so crispy and garlicky!”

Then Seiji suddenly fell silent. The chicken skins may have pushed him past his limits.

This was bad, because without the right tutelage in the ways of the senbero, one may get driven to the dark side like Masanuki had…

…then again, one might also just explode in a bloody mess. This isn’t an exact science.

▼ Seiji: “THIS IS SOOOOOOOO GOOD!”

Amazingly, this mild-mannered sheep herder had tasted of the senbero gods and lived to tell the tale.

▼ Seiji: “HAHAHAAAAAA!!!”

▼ Seiji: “Oh? What do we have here? It looks like a little rice burger.”

After eating the Senbero God’s final item Seiji felt a sudden change inside him.

▼ Seiji: “Urp?!”

▼ Seiji: “What’s happening?”

▼ Seiji: “What? You don’t know me? I am that I am, baby.”

▼ Seiji: “I am… Rice Burger!”

▼ Seiji: “Rice Burger!”

▼ Seiji: “RICE BUUUUUURGER!!!”
Audience in Mr. Sato’s Head: [Cheering Wildly]

▼ Seiji: “Whew! That was a meal and a half, let me tell ya!”

▼ Seiji: “I’ll just take these little souvenirs…”

What in Antonio DeNiro’s name just transpired here isn’t clear. In all the centuries of senbero lore, such a phenomenon has never occurred.

▼ Seiji: “That sure was tasty.”

▼ Seiji: “I just love chicken skins.”

What is clear is that a new force has shaken the world of senbero, and his name is Rice Burger…maybe. I couldn’t really get what he was going on about there.

▼ Seiji: “I wonder why skin tastes so good?”

▼ Seiji: “Maybe we’ll never know…”

Nevertheless, whether Rice Burger is a force of senbero good or senbero evil still remains to be seen.

▼ Seiji: “KFC should sell chicken skins.”

▼ Seiji: “I think they do in some countries.”

How will this new Senbero Demi-God factor into Mr. Sato’s quest to find Japan’s Best Home Senbero? Find out next time…

Catch up on all our “Japan’s Best Home Senbero” articles here:
Episode #1 – Lawson Store 100
Episode #2 – Don Quijote
Episode #3 – Costco
Episode #4 – IKEA
Episode #5 – ABS Wholesale Center
Episode #6 – Aeon
Episode #7 – Kaldi
Episode #8 – 7-Eleven
Episode #9 – Milk and Cake for Dogs
Episode #10 – Hanamasa Meat
Episode #11 – Life
Episode #12 – Shokuhinkan Aoba
Episode #13 – Seiyu
Episode #14 – Amika

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