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Is the ideal spouse someone who’s your best friend or your war buddy? Japanese singles sound off

Casey Baseel Jan 27, 2022
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Survey ranks the top five married couple archetypes.

Matchmaking service Tameny specializes in what Japan calls konkatsu, helping marriage-minded singles find a lifelong romantic partner. But even if everyone who uses the service is hoping to get married, they might not all be hoping for the exact same type of marriage.

So Tameny recently conducted a survey asking 2,400 unmarried men and women between the ages of 20 and 49 what their image of the ideal married couple is. Let’s take a look at the top five results.

5. Big sister-type couple (127 votes)

Specifically, this category is referring to a couple where the wife is older than the husband by at least a few years. “I’d like a wife who takes charge,” said one 21-year-old man in picking this as his ideal, whereas women who see the appeal of this age differential included one who feels “Younger men have more flexible attitudes and communicate openly and directly.”

4. War buddy-type couple (251 votes)

“War buddy” started getting some traction as a couple archetype last year when newlyweds actor Suda Masaki and actress Nana Komatsu used the term to describe their relationship. For the survey’s purposes, the husband and wife don’t have to be working in the same industry, but the war buddy metaphor implies that they’re both working towards some sort of shared or similar goal, and the mutually recognized aspiration and experiences that come from it are a cornerstone of their relationship. “Going through those highs and lows together builds understanding of each other and a sturdy relationship,” said one man looking for a war buddy bride, while a woman who chose this as her ideal declared “Romance and excitement are important too, but I want to spend my days with someone who I have the same direction in life with.”

3. Devoted-type couple (453 votes)

The survey defined devotion as “always thinking of your romantic partner,” and respondents saw the potential for this mindset to accentuate positives and eliminate negatives. “My ex-husband cheated on me, and that’s why I’m divorced now,” said one of many who want to marry someone with whom potential infidelity won’t be a concern. “A relationship where both people are considerate of each other creates a comforting, reassuring home for their hearts,” waxed another woman who cast her vote for this category.

2. Respectful-type couple (599 votes)

“Respectful and supportive of each other” is how the survey defined this archetype. “If all you have is romance and physical attraction, as the years go by your relationship will start to become strained, so respect has to be an ubiquitous part of a marriage,” opined one woman. “If you don’t have a sense of mutual respect,” added a male respondent, “you’re going to be rude and disparaging to each other when you eventually have a difference of opinion.”

1. Best friend-type couple (690 votes)

More than any other model, the one that appeals to the survey respondents the most is a couple that feels like good friends to one another. “I want to marry someone who I can always be laughing and having fun with, like a good friend,” explained one male respondent. “No matter what happens, we’d be going all out, whether we’re having fun or having a fight or making up,” envisions a woman who also picked this as her ideal.

Several other respondents in the best-friend camp mentioned that being supportive and understanding are also qualities they associate with a best friend. One could argue, though, that those also apply to “respectful” and “devoted” couples, and the structure of the survey, in which participants picked only one response, means there’s likely some crossover in which the surveyed singles would like aspects of more than one single category. With Japanese social pressure to marry and have children becoming progressively less intense, though, it’s no surprise that a primary goal for a lot of singles is for marriage to enrich, first of all, the lives of the two people getting married, and there’s definitely an upside to finding a spouse who makes you feel as happy and secure as a best friend does.

Source: PR Times
Top image: Pakutaso
Insert images: Pakutaso (1, 2, 3)
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[ Read in Japanese ]