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How bad can the lowest rated three-piece suit from Amazon be?

The fact that there were only two pieces was a really bad start.

Our writer Masanuki Sunakoma was recently invited to a relative’s wedding. These can be tricky events to dress for, because on the one hand it’s important to look one’s best, but on the other it’s rude to stand out more than the bride or groom.

The key was to find something both formal and modest enough to suit the occasion, and as luck would have it Masanuki knew exactly where to find the most modest stuff on Earth.

For some time now, he has been hanging out in the dregs of online retailer Amazon, searching through the products that receive the lowest ratings to see how deserving they are of the condemnation.

If he were to buy the lowest rated three-piece suit, then he could strike that perfect balance to make an understated but classy appearance at his family gathering. His search led him to an outfit that consisted of a jacket, vest, and pants for 3,780 yen (US$30) and received 13 unanimous one-star ratings.

The written reviews that accompanied them didn’t hold back either, and featured remarks such as:

“It’s not worth even posting a star, let along buying.”
“This is a handmade costume for a kindergarten play.”
“Stop selling this!”

However, Masanuki simply assumed these people had loftier suit needs, whereas he was aiming for low-key.

So it was decided, and an order was placed for a Suit Men’s Top and Bottom Set Godtoon Business Slim Comfortable Formal Wear Wedding Employment All Season Simple Design Plain Party Business Men’s Clothing (Jacket + Vest + Trousers).

When the suit finally arrived, he hurriedly opened the package and pulled out his jacket and pants… but no vest!

Masanuki had gotten some lemons in his one-star shopping past, but this was an especially raw deal. He considered lodging a complaint since one-third of his order was missing, but the package took two weeks to arrive and he didn’t have enough time left before the wedding.

He would have to make do, so he started inspecting the two pieces of the suit that he got. According to the Amazon page, he was advised to order the XL size. Normally that would be more than big enough, but as he learned from his 10-yen ($0.08) outfit and fingerless mittens, sizes in the world of low-rated Amazon products are rarely what they seem.

Also, the product description explained that this suit can be used for weddings, parties, and even after-parties. But upon closer inspection, the material was very loosely stitched and frayed. The comment comparing it to a kindergarten costume was pretty apt after all.

But the most peculiar thing about this suit was that the pocket linings featured children’s illustrations of various large vehicles like fire engines, steam rollers, and cement mixers.

Furthermore, they were following arcane traffic laws that defied convention. One truck was even dumping its load right in the middle of the lane, and the front-end loader was spilling rocks right into the front windshield of the flatbed that was carrying it!

▼ Chaos….

Perhaps it was intended to reach out to Masanuki’s inner-child while he embarked into the adult world of weddings, business parties, and their after parties.

The time for speculation was over, however, and he decided to put on the Suit Men’s Top and Bottom Set Godtoon Business Slim Comfortable Formal Wear Wedding Employment All Season Simple Design Plain Party Business Men’s Clothing (Jacket + Vest + Trousers) once and for all.

It was a snug fit, but not nearly as tight as his last ensemble.

Also, the suit did seem to unlock a certain childlike exuberance in Masanuki.

He began to feel a lot like Tsuyoshi “Big Boss” Shinjo, a former Japanese and MLB professional baseball player who became the manager of the Nippon-Ham Fighters. Big Boss is a much loved figure for his boyish charm and larger than life persona that has made him a celebrity outside the sports world as well.

Masanuki began to wonder if Big Boss has tractors and ambulances on the insides of his pockets too. He probably does.

Unfortunately for that very reason, Masanuki decided against wearing this suit to the upcoming wedding. It simply had too much star-power and was not what he was looking for in modest attire.

However, anyone who wants to dress up as Big Boss for Halloween, or do a Miles Edgeworth cosplay on the cheap, would probably be satisfied with this affordable suit.

Source: Amazon
Photos: ©SoraNews24
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[ Read in Japanese ]

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