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Master Blaster

Writer / Translator

Master Blaster is the two-man translating team of Canada’s Steven Le Blanc and Japan’s Masami M, a pair who in addition to writing work are in English education and created the StudyNow app for Japanese students of English.

Together they have written somewhere around 1,500 articles for RocketNews24 covering such diverse topics as Chinese men selling sanitary napkins to each other and a Japanese guy dragging an ear of corn around the Tokyo train system. A few of these were actually good, but don’t take our word for it! Here’s what our beloved readers had to say:

“One isn't always in the mood for bold tastes. But when I'm in the mood for bold flavor I turn to you.”
“Stupid article. Who cares what the Japanese think it's cool. You don't call a monkey, "gorilla".”
“You know, this is about the most cogent explanation of how a turbocharger works that I have ever seen in the non-motorsports world.”
“Thanks for the article peter!”
“It's people like you who make exploitation possible.”
“It looks yummy and the story was great. Thank you for the smile.”

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Posted by Master Blaster (Page 193)

American Soldier Suspected of Trespassing and Assaulting Okinawan Middle School Student After Curfew

Since 16 October a curfew has been in place on all US soldiers stationed in Japan restricting them from leaving their bases from 11pm to 5am.  This was in response to an incident where two soldiers allegedly raped a young Japanese woman in Okinawa.

However, on 2 November what appeared to have been a drunk American soldier trespassed into a room and struck a young boy.  The police investigation is ongoing.

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Our Reporter Accepted as Special Resident to “Cute Ward,” Welcomed by Mayor Mariko Shinoda of AKB48

Our Reporter Accepted as Special Resident to “Cute Ward,” Welcomed by Mayor Mariko Shinoda of AKB48

Our correspondent Kuzo has been extra busy recently eating single noodle udon, disgusting ramen, and encountering thousands eerie of dolls. However, when he returned home, he was welcomed by a large envelope with the return address: Kawaii (Cute) Ward, Fukuoka.

Could it be? Earlier he had applied for special resident status of the Japanese administrative district of all that is cute.  Now it looks like he has his answer.

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Mathew Broderick Spotted in New York, Employs Strange New Anti-Photography Device

Meeting a movie star can be like finding winning the lottery for many people. Having lived in Toronto for 5 years where a great number of Hollywood movies are shot and home to a major film festival, the biggest celebrity I ever saw was a lady who did 5 minute segments between reruns of The Simpsons and Married With Children on the local station.

On the other hand some people have all the luck like our very own Yoshio who scored big on his first day of a business trip to New York running into none other than Ferris Bueller himself, Matthew Broderick!  More amazing than seeing the star of the American Godzilla in the flesh was discovering his superhuman ability to blur his own face in photos.

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How’s It Hangin’ Japan? “To the Left,” Say About 40% of Guys

Here’s your Japanese vocabulary lesson for the day:

■   Chinpoji   –    Cheenpojee   –   [noun]
The perfect position for a man’s junk to rest in his underwear, pants, etc.

For men worldwide, to function normally we have to have our gear oriented in the correct position.  If through moving or sitting we fall out of chinpoji, then our minds become clouded with neuroses.

According to a survey by Japanese underwear maker Wacoal, 75% of men “are anxious about the positioning of their ‘front parts.’”  Not just the discomfort going on inside the pants; many men feel that their packages can be seen by people on the outside too when they’re out of place. This causes us to perform emergency public adjustments, which makes any woman within eyeshot go “ugghhh.”  In the end no one wins.

Yahoo Japan’s R25 explored this issue deeper, seeking to discover if all men’s chinpoji are the same and, if so, ask a medical professional why.  Here’s what they found.

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We Visit the Shrine of the Dolls, Where Creepiness Turns to Inspiration and a Doll Has Hair that Grows

Awashima Shrine is known as the shrine of “memorial dolls” (dolls given as offerings to the shrine) because of the countless dolls and figures that surround the main building and the grounds.  It stands apart from the other shrines of Japan in the otherworldly atmosphere it gives off.  Some say it has a psychic energy to it.

At the shrine there is said to be a doll with hair that grows.  Who knows if there are really ghosts in the world, but you certainly get the sense there is something “present” when confronted with these eerie yet peaceful guardians.

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World’s First Adult Disney Store Designed and Opened in Japan

Starting from 1 November, a completely new kind of Disney Store opened in the Takayashima Station Mall in Kashiwa city, Chiba.  Until now all Disney Stores around the world followed the strict design specifications of the originals in America.

However, for the first time ever a Disney Store with a totally different look has opened in an effort to target adult female Disney fans.  Rather than stickers, school supplies and stuffed animals, shoppers will be able to buy leather bags, cosmetics and smartphone accessories.

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Japanese Person Given Earth as a Present from God, Sells it on Yahoo Auction

Strange and interesting items often pop up on the Japanese Yahoo Auction page. Human billboards, human skulls, inhumanly overpriced electronics, and a private pop idol performance, could all be found in the past.

This time, however, it looks like the Earth itself is going under the hammer at a starting price of 69 yen (hehe) (US$0.86).

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Last Samurai Caught on Video on a Train in Arizona, Rescues Passenger Being Beaten

On a late night light rail train in Phoenix, Arizona on what authorities believe to have been October 6, a man rescued another passenger from a fight by wielding his samurai sword towards the assailants.

The incident was caught on video and uploaded to YouTube.  None of the parties involved have been identified and the police are currently investigating.

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Seoul Designates 100 Year Old Sewer as Cultural Heritage

 

When you think of France, the Eiffel Tower springs to mind. China has the Great Wall, and how about the Statue of Liberty for the USA? Even Brazil has that big Jesus statue. Now, what comes to mind when you think of South Korea?

That’s not meant to be an insult. Most countries suffer the same lack of iconic, world-renowned landmarks, like my own home of Canada. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. (Yes, I will keep telling myself that, thank you.)

But South Korea may be on the verge of breaking out of this group with the discovery of a 100 year old piece of cultural heritage – a sewer!

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We Attempt to Eat the “Ramen That’s too Disgusting to Eat”

Our fearless foodie correspondent Kuzo is traveling the world and tasting everything he can like the cafeteria food of Chernobyl, Melt-Proof Popsicles in China, and Gasoline Clams in North Korea.

However, Kuzo’s greatest challenge may in fact lie in his home country of Japan at a ramen restaurant in Hiroshima which is said to serve a ramen so disgusting it’s completely inedible.  Even the staff serving it is said to gag merely at its malevolently malodorous stench – all for the low, low price of 1,800 yen!

Could he finish his lunch without loosing it? The following is his report.

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Japanese Windows 8 Promotion Misleads Many to Think their Monitor will Magically Become Touch Screens

When I saw some early images of the new Windows 8 desktop, I wasn’t crazy about the change in appearance.  It looked fine for a tablet device or smartphone but those new windows/buttons seemed too clunky and primitive for my liking.

But then again, maybe I just don’t like change and after using it, it’d grow on me.  However, this new layout combined with some ambiguous promotion has led many in Japan to believe that it suddenly transforms your regular old computer monitor into a touch screen.

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Pizza Hut/Evangelion Collaboration Offer Fans Chance to Win an Entry Plug Cushion!

With weather having turned cold, our intrepid Hyper Cool Biz Gentlemen Mr. Sato and Mr. Tashiro can finally put away their mankinis and start to pig out again.  It’s good timing seeing as Pizza Hut and Evangelion are joining promotional forces to give Eva fans a chance to win never before seen merchandise.

From now to 16 December, if you buy Pizza Hut’s new “Hut Onebox” pizza combo with chicken nuggets and fries you get a chance to win Evangelion goodies such as a cushion shaped like an entry plug.

※“Entry plug cushion” might sound disgusting to non-fans. An entry plug is the capsule that people control the giant Eva cyborgs in.

Follow our gentlemen as they excitedly order their pizzas like two kids in a… pizza and Evangelion shop.  What will they win?

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Double Drink Bottles a Hit in Korea, Especially with the Hopelessly Indecisive

RocketNews’ ever faithful correspondent, Kuzo, stumbled upon a new type of drink while traveling abroad.  The bottle is divided down the middle with one side containing 100% orange juice and the other holding grape juice.

The cap has two separate spouts and lids, so if you want a sweet treat of grape juice just do that side. If you feel a cold coming on then go the other way for a vitamin C boost.

Or if you want to really take a walk on the wild side, flip them both up for a very loosely mixed orange/grape blend.

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Japanese Man Arrested For Attempted Extortion of Sex and Songs

In recent years, Japan has been inundated with phone scams like one known as Ore Ore Sagi (“Hey it’s me!” Con).  This involves a young man calling an elderly woman pretending to be her son.  He then claims he was in some kind of trouble and asks her to send money via bank transfer.

In a completely new take on this well-known scam, Shigeyuki Goto was arrested on suspicion of extortion and attempted extortion by phone. However, instead of the typical monetary gain he was hoping his victims could sing him a song.

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Heavily Damaged Bridge on the Verge of Total Collapse, Residents Use Daily

This bridge located in Xi’an, China connects the villages of Huang and Xuejia.  Completed in 1983, it proved to be an essential tool for the economic well-being of each village by facilitating local trade.

However, water erosion caused two major collapses in 2008 and 2010 left it in the state you see now.  So far, attempts by local officials to repair the bridge have been unsuccessful, leaving residents with little choice but to roll the dice and tread carefully across the thin strip of concrete still spanning the river.

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Revolutionary Speakers Made Entirely of Rubber, All the Bass without those Pesky Magnets

At this year’s CEATEC Japan, Tokai Rubber Industries Ltd. unveiled the first ever speaker made entirely of rubber – or should I say “smart rubber.”  With this technology what appears to be an ordinary strip of latex can be wired into a speaker.

There already is a range of modern products such smartphones using miniature speakers to produce decent quality sound. However, smart rubber speakers stand above with one thing they don’t have – good bass.

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Simple Trick to Rid Your Home of Cockroaches for Good?

Are you often visited by cockroaches?  Do you hate having to do battle with these quick menaces for the sanctity of your home?

At the moment, circling around tumblr, is an intriguing yet simple method to rid your home of cockroaches – possibly forever – and it wouldn’t cost you a dime.  It certainly seems plausible, but whether it truly works or not remains to be seen.

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Japanese Company President Decides All Chairs Get Replaced by Exercise Balls

Located in Kyoto is the headquarters of hair styling product maker Nakano Pharmaceutical. This company is well-known for something besides their high quality hair care gels and sprays and confusing name.  They are one of the few companies to almost completely eliminate everyone’s favorite sitting device, the chair, from their facilities.

In its place staff and visitors are treated to a wobbly seat on those large plastic balls often seen in Pilates classes.

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Baby Sun Bear Can’t Quite Reach the Door Knob, Cuteness Ensues

A sun bear cub residing in Tokyo’s Ueno Zoo was videoed having a frustrating time dealing with the door to its den.  It would seem the handle to the door was juuuuust out of reach of the bemused bear cub.  Even standing on its tip-toes it can’t quite make it. Then it starts spinning around, gets dizzy and falls on its back.

Prepare to go “Awww” hard.

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Nissan’s New Safety Technology Wrestles Control of the Wheel from Drivers Facing Doom

As the world inches closer and closer to driverless cars, Nissan released a video demonstration of their newest precrash system, the Autonomous Emergency Steering System.  It utilizes an arrangement of camera, laser, and radar sensors to detect objects around your car and avoid potential collisions by commandeering the steering wheel.

In other words, if your car thinks it can drive better than you then it takes control of the wheel.

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