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Mr. Sato (Page 36)

Prepare yourself for the fundoshi-clad men of the upcoming 2015 RocketNews24 calendar!

Boy, have we ever got a treat coming up for all of you loyal Rocketeers!

To help ring in the new year, our staff is busy putting the finishing touches on a 2015 calendar featuring the classy men of our sister site, the Japanese language edition of RocketNews24. Not wanting to be outdone by all the other “eye candy calendars” out there, our team of Japanese writers have truly gone all out to show their appreciation for all the love and support they’ve received from our readers over the past year.

Get ready to feast your eyes on a sneak preview of what’s about to become the sexiest 2015 calendar ever to grace the internet!

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Mr. Sato takes a sperm test, passes with flying colors

Mr. Sato takes a sperm test, passes with flying colors

Our ace reporter Mr. Sato is currently into his 40s and during a conversation with one of his peers the other day he learnt that men of that age run a certain risk of diminished sperm. For instance, the man he was talking to recently got tested only to find that his sperm count was dropping to what he called the “requiem” stage.

This prompted Mr. Sato to actually think about what was going on down there, so he decided to get checked himself to make sure he wasn’t in his reproductive autumn as well. Luckily, it was learned that not only is Mr. Sato healthy but there’s a party in his pants…and yes, we’re all invited!

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Mr. Sato is now a sticker, and we’re giving him away to six lucky readers!

Here at RocketNews24, we’re all about expanding our horizons. That means we’re always on the lookout for new places to visit, new burgers to eat, and most of all, new spheres of craziness for our intrepid Japanese language correspondent Mr. Sato to wade into.

Now, though, we’re ready for our beautiful, ambitious, tenacious, stylish, hygienic, innovative, trend-setting reporter to go someplace he’s never gone before: your home, in the form of charming Mr. Sato stickers that we’re giving away.

Read on to find out how to get your hands on a set.

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Mr Sato invents ingenious “life hack” for sneaking alcohol at work

Picture the scene. It’s 5pm on a Friday evening and you really, REALLY need (and deserve) a cold beer to reward yourself after a hard week’s work. But what’s that? Oh no! The boss wants you to do overtime!? Argh!

If this scenario sounds like the ninth circle of hell to you, fret not! RocketNews24 is here to bring you a genius new “life hack” which will enable you to achieve a state of blissful inebriation right underneath the boss’s nose, without even having to leave your desk! (Disclaimer: RocketNews24 is not responsible for any loss of earnings or reputation that may result from practicing this “experiment”. This post is for entertainment purposes only. Ahem.) Okay, Mr Sato, let’s see how it’s done!

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Funasshi’s unofficial mascot Satosshi celebrates Halloween 2014 in his own special way!【Photos】

The inimitable Mr. Sato is such a big fan of Funasshi, the unofficial jiggly pear mascot of Funabashi City, that he even created his own mascot-to-the-mascot, Satosshi. This Halloween, Satosshi decided to head down to the famous Shibuya crossing to make friends with fellow costume-wearing Tokyoites.

Might there be other, kindred spirit Funasshi fans there? Will Satosshi be busted as an unofficial impersonator? Could Mr. Sato’s journalistic efforts be thwarted by a sudden attack of deadline confusion? And worse still, what if no one recognises him? Join us after the jump for a photo report from Satosshi’s big night out.

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Late-night all-you-can-eat yakiniku for only 980 yen? Yes, please!

Imagine that you’re in Tokyo and having so much fun that you miss the last train home without even realizing it. You consider all the ways to kill time until the morning, but nothing appeals to you at all…so might we suggest some late-night all-you-can-eat yakiniku?

Join our intrepid reporter Mr. Sato as he tries out a yakiniku restaurant in Shinjuku, Tokyo which offers a special late-night all-you-can eat yakiniku deal. Even if you can’t make it there in person, don’t be afraid to live vicariously through his mouth-watering photos!

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Hard Ku**mon is here to put lazy mascots out of work with his creepy latex hugs

Over the years the mascot industry in Japan has swelled considerably. An uncountable number of people in big-headed costumes currently represent the nation’s prefectures, cities, government offices and private companies. Then on top of all that we have independent mascots running around too like Funasshi and Teruhiko.

However, the editors at RocketNews24 feel they have come up with something that will bring the entire mascot world down to its knees. His name is Hard Ku**mon and he is prepared to do something that no other mascot has done before: actual labor.

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Funasshi’s unofficial mascot Satosshi grabs a pear burger and risks getting beaten up

Those familiar with Japanese pop culture have probably come across the jiggly pear mascot Funasshi, and those living in Japan probably can’t escape his image on TV, T-shirts, and tea. The unofficial mascot of Funabashi City had a grassroots rise to fame which was very unique in the world of mascots and stands as an inspiration to many.

Our very own Mr. Sato stands as one of those inspired by the giant dancing fruit, and decided to emulate Funasshi’s success by becoming a self-starting mascot himself. Of course, what better thing to represent than Funasshi himself! So by donning yellow make-up and leotards, he transforms into Satosshi, the unofficial mascot of Funabashi’s unofficial mascot Funasshi.

First stop on his road to riches is Funabashi City where the legendary “Funasshi Burger” topped with a slice of pear is said reside. There couldn’t be a better place to get some exposure.

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Mr. Sato gives his first ever autograph, gets a broken heart in return

Last year, our intrepid Japanese correspondent, Mr. Sato, basked in the limelight as he became the first person in Japan to buy a Docomo iPhone 5S. Now, with the new iPhone 6 and 6 Plus going on sale, he’s determined to capture another five minutes of fame, so he’s been camping out in front of the Docomo store in Tokyo’s downtown Marunouchi district since four days ago.

Lining up so early meant a lot of lonely downtime, but recently Mr. Sato’s day was brightened when a young lady asked him for his autograph! At least, it was brightened for a moment, before he learned the sobering secret behind her request.

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N.Y. man’s Japanese T-shirt announces “I am not Sato,” we couldn’t agree more

Among RocketNews24’s bilingual writing team, you won’t find a single person who hasn’t, at some point, linguistically crammed their foot in their mouth (personally, I know I’ve gotten my knee and most of my thigh past my pearly whites on at least three separate occasions). So while we can definitely appreciate the humor involved in a strange language screw-up, we know we’re not immune to such things ourselves, and that the rest of the world can weird up its Japanese just as often as Japan stumbles over English.

Case in point: this man spotted napping on the subway in the U.S., who felt the need to inform his fellow passengers who can read Japanese that he is, in fact, not Mr. Sato.

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It’s all about the isopod – Company pushes gifts and fashion featuring weird, sexy marine bugs

In Japan, where the market for character-based merchandise is intensely competitive, it’s not always easy to predict what’ll take off. Sure, it was easy to see Hello Kitty and Pikachu coming, since either one could serve as the accompanying illustration for the definition of “adorable” in the dictionary, but who’s going to be the next big star?

There’s a new dark horse entry to the character goods arena, with one company hoping Japanese consumers’ ravenous hunger for all things kawaii will lead them to embrace something so ugly it just might be cute, in the form of T-shirts, notebooks, and purses all featuring the humongous marine bug called the giant isopod.

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Your turn, Samsung – Mr Sato returns the Ice Bucket Challenge to Korea’s electronics giant【Video】

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is still going strong, thanks to its mix of suspense, physical comedy, and contributions for a worthy cause. Business and entertainment moguls from around the world have participated, and recently even inanimate objects have started taking part with Samsung’s Galaxy S5 smartphone being doused by the Korean conglomerate’s U.K. division.

As per the rules of the challenge, Samsung then exercised its right to pass the dare onto someone else, and it designated rival Apple’s iPhone 5s. A quick comparison of the spec sheets for the two competing phones has some people crying foul at singling out the iPhone 5s, though. Today, we’re offering Samsung a chance to make things right.

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Mr. Sato goes discount women’s clothes shopping and discovers a shocking secret

One day, while Mr. Sato was off-duty, he was doing some shopping around Nakano Broadway in Tokyo. This shopping plaza is sometimes called a “mecca of subculture” for its various stores peddling old books and figures. Of course, Nakano Broadway has many other shops including grocery and household item stores.

In particular, the first floor is filled with women’s clothing shops selling items at rock-bottom prices. On a complete whim Mr. Sato steered into one shop boasting every item for only 575 yen (US$5.60). As if guided by a mysterious force, Mr. Sato entered this store. Little did he know that he was being guided… by the god of rock.

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We test our iPhone’s new protective sheet against the legendary sword Excalibur

The touchscreen is both the greatest and most annoying part of a smartphone. On the plus side, you’ve got clear images, vibrant colors, and the simplicity that comes from bypassing a bunch of buttons and menus. At the same time, though, you’ve also got to deal with unsightly scratches and cracks.

We recently heard about a new protective sheet that’s supposed to be able to withstand almost any kid of abuse, so we put it to the test against a variety of damaging instruments including what one shopkeeper told us was the legendary sword Excalibur.

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Mr. Sato tries top secret rated-R fried chicken from popular Japanese convenience store

As we’ve declared before, convenience stores are one of the many things Japan gets awesomely right. And out of all the conbini in Japan, one of the greatest things housed within the walls of popular convenience store, Lawson, isn’t found on the shelves, but nestled safely behind the counter. Yes, their perfectly plump, consummately crispy fried chicken dubbed “Karaage-kun” costs a mere 210 yen (US$2.05) for hot, salty bliss. With a heart full of love for Karaage-kun, we could barely contain our jealousy upon learning that Mr. Sato, the most…unique reporter from our Japanese site, was invited to the Lawson headquarters to try out their new grilled Hokkaido corn-flavored Karaage-kun.

And so Mr. Sato marched down to crispy chicken HQ, still rocking his post-apocalyptic haircut, to try our most favorite convenience store snack. Little did he (or we) know that he would also be presented with an ultra-top-secret fried chicken unfit to be consumed by children younger than 15 years of age.

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Mr. Sato goes post-apocalyptic at Fist of the North Star event

Although now a man in his 40s, Mr. Sato has long held a special place in his heart for the Fist of the North Star series. He recalls picking up a copy of the manga 20 years ago and heading straight out to the gym for two sets of 18kg (40lbs) bench presses.

After two weeks of that, he felt he had reached his full potential, but was still nowhere near as cool as the series’ protagonist Kenshiro. Decades later came word of the Fist of North Star bi-weekly DVD collection beginning at Kinokuniya in Shinjuku. The first day of sale was to be rung in by a gathering of cosplay characters from the series. Mr. Sato’s mind raced at the possibility of truly becoming his long-time hero Kenshiro.

Just then Mr. Sato’s editor approached him saying, “Hey, you like North Star don’t you? How’d you like to go down there and cosplay as…”

“You’ve stood in my way long enough! I’m going to Shinjuku to become as awesome as Kenshiro is whether you like it or not!” shouted Mr. Sato snapping out of his daydream and crushing a paper cup in his mighty fist.

“Yeah, that’s what I was going to sa…”

Mr. Sato interjected, “You’re already dead.” He then flicked the paper cup at the editor’s forehead and walked determinedly out of the office without looking back.

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Mr. Sato celebrates Gokusen Day with one of 59 Premium Gokusen Bananas

Happy belated Gokusen Day!

What, you forgot that the first ever Gokusen Day was held last Friday (5/9 [“go-ku”]) after being created by fruit brand Dole? It’s okay, I’m sure after reading our previous announcement that little tidbit of trivia fell into the recesses of your memory banks along with the dates of International Lefthanders Day (8/13) and World Wetlands Day (2/2).

That’s sad news, however, because you missed the chance to pick up one of the limited edition 59 Gokusen Premium Bananas sold for one day only. Of course, if it’s limited our own Mr. Sato will be there to get one. He even goes out in search of certain strains of influenza that are available for a limited time only.

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Mr. Sato takes on Family Mart’s “All-You-Can-Eat Convenience Store Challenge!”

Imagine if you had ten minutes to run amuck in a convenience store and could eat whatever you wanted and as much of it as you could. Now imagine it’s a Japanese convenience store where the unwritten rule is: If you can’t find something you want to eat, you aren’t hungry.

Our well-seasoned convenience store correspondent Mr. Sato had just gotten such an experience recently in the FamilyMart booth at Niconico Super Party III, but discovered that an all-you-can-eat convenience store experience isn’t without its difficulties.

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Our Japanese staff try British cup noodles, didn’t completely hate the experience

Throughout the world, Britain is known for many things–great music, excellent literature, and sexy men. One thing the country isn’t known for, though, is their good food. In fact, if you ask nearly anyone what they think of British food they’ll probably stick their tongues out and make gagging noises.

It’s a bit unfair, but even in Tokyo–where you can find restaurants serving cuisine from all over the globe–the closest you’ll find to British food is a pub. Although, we have to admit, our friends from the Queen’s country at least know how to serve a good drink.

Recently, though, Mr. Sato and Yoshio, both writers for the Japanese side of RocketNews24, got their hands on a carton of Pot Noodle, a brand of instant noodles so awful “it was voted the ‘most hated brand’ in the UK in a 2004 poll.” And what did our Japanese colleagues think of these awful noodles?

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Mr. Sato sacrifices his hands on the altar of all-you-can-eat shrimp

We all have foods that we love perhaps a little more than we should, but for Mr. Sato, a man whose love of food in general has taken him on many a colorful, abdomen-abusing adventure risking his health and even his sanity, the gustatory passion that tops all others is shellfish. So when he headed off to report on an all-you-can-eat shrimp restaurant for us, we feared for his life.

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